That same question has been on my own lips several times over the last few months.
Had I abandoned DA? Had I finally hung up the cape and not made a song and dance about it? Was I dead?
The truth is that I've been in a dark place for several months. Like a suffocatingly narrow cave, only it was formed by my emotions, my mental state.
I was not happy with myself. I was not happy with my abilities, particularly to fulfil my role as husband.
I had no job, no drive, and I was quickly losing hope. All I had was my wife, who has been my staff to lean on through every winding and rocky road (mmm...rocky road...).
I didn't have the spark needed to create. Even my primary talent, writing, seemed a chore.
Basically, I have a need to feel necessary. And I felt quite the opposite.
But recently, things started to change.
I succeeded in obtaining a dead-end evening shift job, the kind that students do to support the half-life they lead while studying. It wasn't much, but it was a start. I would have less to see of my patronising employment consultants at least.
It was less than a month before I felt like blowing my brains out every time I walked into that office.
I couldn't keep at it. It was making me physically unwell.
Then, one night, I got a phone call. The director of a theatre production I've been attached to for months, and a good friend. Call this number, he said.
I did, and I spoke to a friend of his I'd met briefly one night a few months earlier. He put me in touch with his boss. Within a week, I had an interview. Within an hour of that interview, I had another job.
Granted it's not really in my chosen field, nor is it particularly taxing, but it's a proper start this time. Now I can search for something better knowing that I've got something to fall back on.
I also made my way into two internships, and became head of script department for the aforementioned theatre project. I was made a parish councillor of my church, and had my proposal for parish theatre club greenlighted; it will be my first real foray into producing and directing. Ideas were flowing again.
Things were looking up. No, they ARE looking up.
Christmas is just around the corner, and then New Year. A time for refreshment, rejuvenation. A time to pick one's self up and keep moving down the road. A time for creation to work its wonders.
I can't say how often I'll be popping in on DA, but rest assured:
I am back.